Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
