i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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