i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
