Swine flu is the new snow day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
