The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize