next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
