My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
