Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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