just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
