I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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