So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
