exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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