my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wear drunk well.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
