cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
