He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
