I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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