he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
