We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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