hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
