I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
