Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
