I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm too high and old for this...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
