I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
