they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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