You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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