How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
