You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
