mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
sex in a hospital.. check
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
