On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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