now i know why i became what i already was.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
