now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
