Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
