so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Randomize
