Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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