I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you never un-have a 4some
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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