I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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