Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
