Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
