Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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