I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You smell like stripper and shame
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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