Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
where am i from again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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