four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
