I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
