i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think your dad took our porno
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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