yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
