I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
