Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
