FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
