Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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