she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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