I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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