it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
