Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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