I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
