addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
