Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We had sex on a dog bed..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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