guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
