we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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