So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
