I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i think i just lost a toe
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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