11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
