Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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