well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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