my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
