You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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