that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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