Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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