So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
