If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
