She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
