I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize